The Imposter Podcast AU
Join former first responder and army veteran Burso as he plunges into the human psyche with insightful discussions on imposter syndrome and how it affects every aspect of our lives. Using personal stories and expert advice, he uncovers the secrets to overcoming feelings of inadequacy and stepping into your authentic self.
From boardrooms to crime scenes, the Imposters explore guests real-life stories of triumph and struggle, shedding light on how imposter syndrome impacts career advancement and personal fulfilment.
Whether you're a first responder, veteran, CEO, mother or student, this podcast will empower you to silence your inner critic and thrive in every endeavour.
Don't Die Wondering!
The Imposter Podcast AU
#49 Alex Prestney, From Grief to Grit: A Police Officer’s Story of Loss and Resilience
In this powerful episode, Alex Prestney, a current-serving police officer, shares his deeply personal journey of running from Mildura to Melbourne in honor of his brother, Josh, who tragically lost his life in the 2020 Eastern Freeway crash, along with three other police officers. Alex takes us through his motivations for undertaking this grueling 500-kilometer run and how it helped him cope with his grief while raising awareness for road safety.
Alex’s story starts with the immediate aftermath of the accident, when he and his family received the devastating news about Josh’s death. The emotional weight of that day still haunts him, vividly recalling the disbelief, the shock, and the heart-wrenching moments spent with his parents and loved ones. Alex explains how he initially dealt with the grief and the surreal experience of hearing such tragic news as both a police officer and a family member.
As Alex describes the run, he reflects on how the idea came to him almost three years after the tragedy. Mildura was not chosen randomly; it was also where another police officer, Briar Joyce, lost her life in a traffic incident. Alex wanted to create a symbolic journey that covered the entire state of Victoria, uniting two places of loss while sending a powerful message about road safety.
The run itself was no easy feat. Covering about 40 kilometers a day, Alex talks about the physical and mental struggles, from muscle pain to the emotional toll of reliving the trauma that inspired the run. Despite these hardships, Alex kept moving forward, joined at various stages by his father, mother, and wife, Rachel, who provided support. Their shared determination to honor Josh helped push Alex through the toughest parts of the journey.
Throughout the podcast, listeners will be gripped by some unexpected lighter moments, including stories of dark humor, candid banter with friends, and anecdotes about Alex's tattoos, including a tribute to Josh featuring Donkey Kong, his favorite character from Mario Kart. Despite the solemn undertones, the conversation is laced with these lighter moments, offering balance and showcasing Alex’s resilience.
Open-ended questions explored in the podcast include:
- How does a person find purpose after a life-shattering tragedy?
- What can the average person learn about road safety from such a deeply personal story?
- Can physical challenges like running help process emotional pain, and if so, how?
- How do first responders and police officers handle grief and trauma while continuing to serve?
Listeners will be moved by Alex’s unflinching honesty, as he talks about loss, mental health struggles, and the need for change in how road safety is approached in Australia. His run isn’t just a tribute to Josh, but a rallying cry for others to join the conversation about making roads safer for everyone.
Matty Morris of https://www.zerolimitspodcast.com/ helps us out with a banger of a tune. If you want to hear about some real intense moments from Veterans and First Responders. Check out Zero Limits Podcast.
SavvyUse IMPOSTER code at checkout to support the podcast. You save 17% and we get 17% of each sale!
Camo Roll
You're not just stocking up on bathroom essentials,You're joining a movement to support our heroes.
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
This podcast has topics in relation to death, suicide and drug use. This may be confronting for some listeners.
Al:As veterans and first responders, we also use some dark humour in this episode. We ask that you keep in mind that dark humour is a timeless and research-supported method. I just wanted to use that for dark humour.
Burso:I was like yeah, I know you were killing it. You were killing it, that's it. You like killing it, that's it. You like that? Yeah, did you make that?
Al:Yeah.
Burso:No, pro Tools, pro Tools, logic Well, I don't even you know what's going to be awkward the Scourge Band, isn't it? Yeah, no, no, it's not even. It's just literally that red button. I've had nothing to do with any of these buttons. They do a whole bunch of other stuff. We'll go through it. Yeah, in fact, I only use usually one of them. It's a flashback one and it took me five goes when I was with Pete last time to work out which one. It was Still working out which one.
Pete O'Hanlon:Yeah, I got it from Marketplace, so that's why it didn't come with the instructions. I'm out. Oh God, 40 seconds in One button at a time mate, 40 seconds.
Burso:We still haven't introduced him, pete. Pete was sitting here last time. He's just like what's going on with this rock show? I'm like, yeah, it's just good to have a laugh. That's why, yeah, okay, and we're almost at a minute.
Pete O'Hanlon:So today we have Alex Preston Is that how you say your name Priestly, oh yeah. When the phone's not used to it then it's yeah, but once she gets the hang of it, yeah, yeah, all over it.
Burso:We had Nokias, my mate Lee. We used to type Lee and for some reason Nokia couldn't work it out. It was Leggy all the time. L-double-e or it was L-E-G-G-I is what it went to, but no Interesting yeah, lee, in normal spelling, when I gave you another option, but yeah and then it was like Leggy, so that was when he was probably has to be a nickname.
Pete O'Hanlon:Has to be a nickname.
Burso:And now you have to enter it into the new phone, so it's weird that it's come full circle. Anyway, a minute and a half. No one knows what you're about. No, that's right. So, anyway, we've got Alex today. He's a runner as well. Are you actually a runner, though, or you just did it? Do you enjoy running? Yes, Probably.
Pete O'Hanlon:I always say to people that I've been running ever since I could and like, from little athletics school, athletics cross country. I was captain of cross country. Just throw that in there.
Burso:I can see how this is going to go. It wasn't good, it wasn't any good.
Pete O'Hanlon:My other runners were the ones who got the points for us, not me, no.
Burso:I had. My other runners were the ones who got the points for us, not me. Yeah well, you led the team, the team champion is always going to be the champion.
Pete O'Hanlon:I always had a coach that just said I couldn't, I wasn't never going to be the fastest, which is fine, but I could run all day. What was?
Alex Prestney:your specialty distance.
Pete O'Hanlon:Thinking back now I was probably very wrong, but like I'd love the 1500, but then it was like, well, you love something you're so bad at. Yeah, I don't know, but yeah, I just just loved everything. Everything I've done, any sort of sport, any music, any, whatever. I was just all jack of all trades, master of fuck all, like I just oh, okay, two and a half minutes in aggressive swearing.
Burso:Okay, that's it. That's telling the tale well, that's just.
Pete O'Hanlon:That's just the way, that's how I live by. It's just. I was just master of none, but I enjoyed it across the board.
Burso:We'll have to chuck a little disclaimer on in front of this one. Obviously, I can see where it's going. We do have a disclaimer. I've been pretty bad at it, though. We should be right Our listeners are pretty mature.
Pete O'Hanlon:Well, we used to have I mean too used to the banter we had off air.
Burso:Yeah, yeah, I know we kept talking about smart books and stuff, so SJ Brand will be excited about getting a mention. No, there's swearings. Well it's just usually, it's probably about five minute mark before someone feels, relaxed enough to just throw that out there.
Alex Prestney:Where's the disclaimer. Did I throw any in yesterday? No, you were very calm.
Burso:Was I.
Alex Prestney:Yeah, calm, eh.
Burso:Yeah, it's not your pod. This one's about Alex now so you can just get loose now.
Alex Prestney:Good, I'm going to.
Burso:Perfect Right, so you've run from Mildura to Melbourne. Yep, is that the biggest thing you've done so far, or have I ignored some crazy stuff?
Pete O'Hanlon:In terms of, like, I've never done any sort of ultras or any yeah things over weeks and things like that, but this was something that just popped into my head that I thought was a pretty good idea.
Burso:It's getting a bit weird on this podcast now. Like the guys that we've had on, we've talked about other stuff, but now in their own time they've been running like 100K marathons and stuff that I never knew about beforehand. But then after you mentioned the first one, everyone's like oh well, you know what I did. Did you do that? I ran to Mildura. Yeah, so your 100Ks doesn't impress me. Just in case anyone's wondering.
Alex Prestney:I don't care.
Pete O'Hanlon:Mildura's way further than that To be fair, I broke it up a fair bit along the journey. I never did any longer than I think it was 40 Ks Yep. Thinking back now, I probably could have, but but why would you?
Alex Prestney:That's right, mate, I'm impressed.
Pete O'Hanlon:I'm struggling to walk that far. I just didn't want to rush it, that's all.
Burso:I just wanted to enjoy it, mate, so I've got an to me.
Alex Prestney:Okay, if it's not under 25K.
Burso:Why am I going there? That's right.
Alex Prestney:It's endurance doing 25K on that.
Burso:I've chased Fitzy around the Great Circle track up at the You Yangs On that, yeah, but like sometimes I have to carry it up the hill because it doesn't have the oh yeah, yeah, he likes to, because then he'll push up the hill, because then I have to like jog this stupid 14 kilo thing up the hill to chase him.
Pete O'Hanlon:It's such a bizarre contraption as well, oh sick.
Burso:We'll play on it afterwards.
Alex Prestney:It'll be a great reel when you hurt yourself? Yeah, great. So what were you doing? 40k a day?
Pete O'Hanlon:Yep, that's incredible Around, I'd say between I mapped it out. It took a lot of sort of like going to the drawing board of how far per day and where it could be achieved. So if I had, like, areas that ran out of road or just wasn't going to match up to the end right, or I had areas especially around Bendigo that just kind of didn't exactly match up, well, I had to go from, like Wedderburn, and then going from Wedderburn to Bendigo was just too far and so I had to sort of go right, go back further back, to sort of put a better point, to just make sure it's all consistent. I didn't want to sort of go 30K one day and the next one's got to be 60. And that was just going to be like. Oh, I really ruined myself.
Burso:If I'm oh, so this wasn't in the lead up. This is when you were actually doing the run.
Pete O'Hanlon:You were on the run, you were doing 40k a day, yeah, yeah, okay, oh, but during training and things like that, I'd say my training runs were between, yeah, 25 and 30k's, yeah, and were you doing them every day, not every day?
Pete O'Hanlon:I've always been like because with our training that we've always done like with Ironman, triathlon and things like that we never felt the need to actually go those distances because, understandably, a lot of people they go those distances because a lot, and understandably a lot of people they go those distances, to sort of that mental thing where you go okay, now I know I can do that, go that far where some people will, you know, train, they'll go. I did a 200k ride so I know I can do it on race day. Um, for us it was just it's it's less, less of more, kind of like you know, if you're doing weights and things like that, you do less weight, weight, more reps. It was less kilometers more often, rather than just doing like a 50K run twice a week, it was more, you know, 20k runs three times a week and that's where you just were able to build that. It's almost like you're building a bit of armor through your legs to be able to sustain for that long.
Burso:Cool, do you want to? Before we go into during the whole the hardships and stuff? I'm assuming at some point it was hard.
Pete O'Hanlon:Absolutely yeah. It was no, picnic at all, no matter how slow I actually was running running six and a half minute Ks and things like that but that was because it was burning, like the injuries and things. No sort of like injuries that really like torn quads or torn hammies or anything like that, just real sort of, but just the wear and tear in your body.
Alex Prestney:Yeah, surely that distance is going to affect you later.
Pete O'Hanlon:Yeah, and it really just like the importance of making sure of the recovery was huge, to make sure that I had just, you know, appropriate massage and putting in the right nutrition and, yeah, just to be able to go again the next day. So I might want to finish one leg and then being like, oh my God.
Alex Prestney:How much time did you have between finishing and starting the next leg?
Pete O'Hanlon:So we'd sort of get started in the morning at about nine, 9am and the whole day would be about only four and a half to five hours and then it would be for the first part. It was just like three in a row. We'd say, for example, it was Monday, the next one was Tuesday, the next one was Wednesday, and then I'd have a rest day and then we'd go Friday, saturday and then, if I was doing like a big bulk area, I think, the run into Bendigo. I had two rest days in Bendigo because that was where it was like a halfway point. We needed to reset a fair bit and actually go all right. I can't just keep going because I didn't want to hurt myself and just be like I did it, but I hurt myself. I'd rather actually do it properly and consistently All right, I'll just jump back in.
Burso:Let's go from, because we'll go through like the lead up to it. Who's helped you out how the planning went and all that sort of stuff. But we should probably go through the why in the first place, Because generally people don't just run from Melbourne to Mildura. I'm sure there are people that probably do it, but there's always a reason that people generally try and do stuff like this. Do you want to get into it? Yeah, obviously, it's your family and your stories. I'm not going to.
Pete O'Hanlon:Yeah, well, obviously, as a lot of people know, there might be people who don't know.
Burso:I really want to do the flashbacks here. Can I do it? I'm doing it.
Alex Prestney:Lovely.
Pete O'Hanlon:Hey, tassie that button oh.
Alex Prestney:I got that about six times yesterday, yeah, but your flashbacks weren't shit either, though it's going to make the story a lot more bearable.
Pete O'Hanlon:Yeah, so, as a lot of people know, a lot of people don't know, 22nd of April 2020, eastern Freeway crash in Melbourne claimed the life of four police officers, my brother Josh being one of them, and also myself, as a current serving member of the police force. Hard to describe what sort of shockwave it sent through our family and the wider community. And this run from Mildura to Melbourne was my I wouldn't say statement, but this was what I wanted to do, both in memory of Josh, but also for other people who have succumbed to this sort of fate, and also to make our roads a safer place.
Burso:So what made you think Mildura Like? Is there a reason behind the Mildura to Melbourne?
Pete O'Hanlon:Yeah, unfortunately as well. The last police officer for Victoria Police, Briar Joyce, was killed in a traffic collision as well whilst on duty up in Mildura, and so it just felt fitting this idea that popped into my head. I had friends who were working at Mildura as well, who were deeply affected by it too, and I just thought, hey, that's an idea. I wanted to do something. I saw so many other people who were doing runs for this, runs for that, travels for this, and I thought what can I do? And I just picked that sort of distance and I went oh, there we go, because the significance of it being in Mildura as well, but also it covers the entire state of Victoria.
Burso:And Malakuta would probably say that it doesn't, but yeah.
Alex Prestney:That's true. Can I ask how your psyche was when you're running for, obviously, traffic awareness and all that?
Pete O'Hanlon:sort of stuff.
Alex Prestney:How did you feel running with that danger?
Pete O'Hanlon:Well, yeah, that was an absolute highlight for us to make sure that we weren't, I guess, being hypocritical with it as well and being sort of like going like I didn't think of that, yeah, just to sort of go well, we're going to be doing this and the only way from Mildura to Melbourne is a road. We've got to make sure that we are able to find areas that is safe for this.
Alex Prestney:Yeah. Can you go into a little bit about your psyche when you're running 40K a day? Yeah, and are you worried about the traffic? Are you worried about those trucks coming past the 100Ks now?
Pete O'Hanlon:Absolutely yeah. But at the same time we made sure that I would say 90% of the run was done away from the road, because that was a must for us as well. Luckily there is it's almost like from, I'd say, mildura to Bendigo. There is like a slip track along the train line which I knew because I'd been to Mildura a few times. That was the kind of it was just like ticking that box of making this possible by going okay, I don't have to run on the road, if I do, we're going to make sure that it's safe. It was we made sure that we went into it and we did it with a plan of making sure that it was safe, with things like escorts from rural units, our own, I guess, support crew. We knew that we couldn't exactly.
Burso:I really wanted to do it before, when it was like a shit time, because we usually have these awkward savvy moments where we do it but I was like no, I can't.
Pete O'Hanlon:Am I allowed to have mine now?
Burso:That was really good actually, but you don't have to. You can do it like when it's an awkward moment, if you want. Oh, that was Christmas.
Alex Prestney:That was a good one, yeah, all right, I was getting thirsty.
Pete O'Hanlon:It was just staring at me.
Burso:Sorry, but we'll jump back into the road safety. But on the day that this happened, right, were you working? I worked the morning shift. Yeah, so were you on when you heard it coming over the radio?
Burso:No, all Were you on when you heard it coming over the radio. No, no, because I was working that day, yeah, and the way it came across to us was like there was a person who was literally running over coppers on the thing and the amount of chaos and stuff that was on the radio that day after it happened was just and it took ages to get any sort of clarity on what happened?
Pete O'Hanlon:And even in the days afterwards we still yeah, no one, no one knew what on what happened, and even in the days afterwards we still know what was going on. That was the same for me. I was kind of thinking and I've asked people as well who worked on the day obviously close friends. I didn't want to just ask anybody, but I'd be like so because I had this you know the morbid curiosity about it Like, what was it like in the thick of it? What was it like?
Pete O'Hanlon:Because I was at home playing call of duty um with mates and then when I got the news of it, it was um, you know, has anyone heard what's happened on the eastern freeway? And it was, it was um, you know, four coppers have been killed. And it was just like from then, and this is where it's been burned for me for a long time and I don't know what it was that made me think this as soon as I heard that the wheels just started turning and I liken it to, like, you know, the movie Titanic, when they get the ship started again and the pistons start moving and the engine room of thought just started for me by going you know, he's on, I think that's Josh, you know he's working, yeah, and that sort of that and that feeling by going. Was it like a gut feeling?
Alex Prestney:Yeah, yeah.
Pete O'Hanlon:And I just sort of thought, everything just lined up. I was like I knew that he was on his highway patrol placement. I knew that it was with that unit. I know that that area is for that unit and I was just thinking nothing could drag me away from the feeling that it wasn't him. It wasn't sort of just like the only thing that would was if he picked up the phone and he didn't.
Burso:And so Did that pretty much confirm it for you, when you.
Pete O'Hanlon:A lot of the time because, yeah, it did, but it also, you know, still didn't. I was just it was that trying to tell myself. But you know, as coppers, a lot of us are just realists about it, and when we sort of, when the things start to happen and we make those observations, things just cemented for us where I was thinking, well, all right, he's, and my wife as well, we were just thinking, well, no, no, he's just busy, he's just he's attending to the job. He's not that unit, he's just attending the job. He can't answer the phone.
Pete O'Hanlon:Which would have been possible, could have been possible. That's what we were thinking. We're going no, no, no, it's, it's. But then after maybe about 30 times of ringing, I'm sort of thinking, no, he would have picked up at least once after all that time. And then that was just like yeah, the. I remember. I remember the day so vividly and so many days I don't remember, but that day I just, even if I tried or if I had some sort of memory charm, I just could not get rid of it.
Burso:We we had, like we heard on the radio. They're like you need to switch over to this channel now. They're like you need to switch over to this channel now. They're like four coppers have been run down and there's a bloke on the run and he's taken their guns and stuff. Right. The amount of information that was not available and like the but where did that information come from? Well, apparently there was a whole bunch of people, because obviously it was a massive accident. There was heaps of people ringing up Triple O and stuff and saying, oh, there's this, there's that, there's guns on the road, there's this, because obviously, when people have been hit, all their equipment went everywhere.
Burso:So I dare say people saw somebody picking it up and then moving it, potentially yeah right. They were like people have grabbed it and run away, which is why? And then we were getting told it was like a terrorist thing, where people would run down coppers to take their guns and whatever.
Pete O'Hanlon:Well, that was one of the things that we got wind of as well, that it was possibly like deliberate that was. You know, that was a real, you know, potential, obviously from things that we've seen in the past of those sorts of attacks being like vehicle-borne attacks sort of stuff. Yeah, that was kind of like oh yeah, maybe it was deliberate, but obviously that was.
Burso:It was just the chaos that was going on that day, um, and like I obviously wasn't personally involved, like obviously you did, like I didn't. I didn't know any of the people that were, um, that were killed personally, but it was like the vibe was very much a uniting police sort of scenario, like it was like we've we've had someone had a crack at us and it wasn't until ages later and obviously because of other dumb stuff that happened that we won't talk about. But you know, like there was just there was. No, it was such an open wound Like if we'd known straight away it was an accident or whatever, you'd be like you'd be pissed, but you'd be like, okay, I understand what's happening, but it wasn't even.
Burso:I don't know that we had. We knew what was going on for like a couple of weeks later. How did you find out? Because now you would have been on both sides, I would assume, of a death message.
Pete O'Hanlon:Yeah, and that's quite a. It's such a. And the thing is, when I was talking about with those things, that we, as coppers, we know what's going to happen next, we know how the situation goes, and that's when, and the same goes for with, like mum and dad, where there was a time of the night, and the one thing that I can't remember is how time went, and the one thing that I can't remember is how time went, and then the silence was deafening. It was a deafening silence for us at home, when it was just things were just happening. But we just knew.
Pete O'Hanlon:And I remember, as we were trying to go through it and things like that, like mum and dad, like the thing that I was trying to hold myself together for was with mum and dad and how they're going to find out. I was like I don't want to be calling mum or calling dad and going, something's happened. I don't, you know. It came to where you know. Mum called me and she said you know, we've just seen something on the news, is everything okay? And I couldn't hide my angst or, you know, nerves for it. I was just like I just don't, you know, I've been trying, I've heard, I've been trying this, I've whatever.
Pete O'Hanlon:And then it just accelerated. Things just accelerated. Then I could hear mum's voice start to shake, heard dad in the background, you know, going, and it was almost like it was just that your body just went into this. In dad's voice I could hear the adrenaline dump and going. You know what's going on. Sort of thing Like this is not just you know. We've just heard something happened. It's become like it's now involved us. It's become very real now. And after that it was like a let's just try and find out as much as we know, keep calm, if that's possible. And then, when it came to that whole, then knowing what's about to happen next was a. I don't even know what time it was. I want to guess it was like 9 pm, knock on the door from my senior sergeant at Paran Highway.
Burso:Patrol. It happened at what like 10 in the morning or something 5.36 pm. Oh really, yep, I can't even remember what time it was. I thought it was sunny and morning.
Pete O'Hanlon:No it was just sort of like this is how weirdly I can just remember it or just that sort of dusk setting of an orange sky, yep, yep, that's it. That's the exact time, yep. And so from then, yeah, the knock on the door from my senior sergeant, with a friend that I had at Highway Patrol, and it was just you're like, and I just knew that it was going to happen. I just took you know. After a while I picked myself up off the floor and I just went upstairs to bed and I just sat up in bed. I don't know how long I sat there, for it's like that has been erased from my memory of what the hell I did there. And then I heard the door buzz and then I remember had you done a death message before this?
Burso:Oh yeah.
Pete O'Hanlon:Okay, a few Yep, but with this one it was kind of just like I don't know different because of the magnitude of it. Unfortunately, I've done some that have been completely out of the blue, you know, when someone's answered the door with a smile on their face and things like that where you've got to deliver the worst news of their life, but at the same time, with this, it was kind of just like that's the formality of it, isn't it?
Burso:Yeah, I've had, because I've done them before and it's so different every time. Yeah, I've had some people that have tried to console me because they're like I'm sorry you had to be there for it, I'm sorry you had to see it, and they actually try and look after you. Other ones obviously just lose it, start beating you up because it's your fault that it happened. But you know they're just processing emotion. But I've never had a death message given to me. Like I've done a whole bunch of them and it's the worst part of the job. I reckon, like I'd rather be assaulted and stuff, because I can take it to someone and it's fun, yep, but I should probably take that out. But then you know, whereas with the death message there's no good and it's life-changing, you know that you are like the responsibility you have delivering a death message when you're like this moment is going to be remembered, yep, and I don't know what the relationship is with this person. Some people you turn up and they're like oh, is this Johnny?
Alex Prestney:And you're like, yeah, well, I thought it was going to happen a couple of years ago. Yeah, that's it.
Burso:And they're like oh, do you have any money?
Pete O'Hanlon:It's weird. I've had those too as well. Where you go? Thank God, that was a lot easier than I thought it was. Going to be Not easier, but it was just so different to what I thought it was going to be.
Burso:Jesus, yeah, luckily I haven't, you know, because there have been some that have been, yeah, harrowing, that we've all had to do, yeah, and some of the times like you're there for an hour or something because the person's unconsolable, until you can get someone else over, but I've never been on the other end of it and known what happened.
Burso:So once I know what happens, you know like and and I guess I never were with these other people and your situation will be different from all them as well, because you knew what was coming. That's it. As soon as you saw them, you're like yeah, well, I was right can I ask why they get you guys to do that?
Alex Prestney:I mean, you guys have a hard enough job as it is. Why are they getting you to do this incredible thing like you said, life-changing for individuals? Why isn't there a special department that handles this there? There is, at some place.
Burso:But I can understand why, like it would make more sense, I guess, to be doing social workers or something else to do it. But the thing is it's not speedy, they're not 24-7.
Alex Prestney:They're not whatever. Yeah, but that can be implemented. It's not going to be fast, straight away, I'd say.
Pete O'Hanlon:it's something that's been around for decades and they've just stuck to it.
Alex Prestney:I just don't think that should be part of your job.
Pete O'Hanlon:I understand why you're doing it it can be, yeah, very compounding, for it can be. You know, like you said, some people would rather be assaulted and, absolutely, you know, go through the worst physically, but then actually have to do that Like for someone. I'd rather be on the front line for protests and, getting you know, involved in physical altercations than have to do that.
Burso:The only thing that I've found that was worse than doing death messages is when you get pinpricked, because now you've got to wait for three months to work out if you've got AIDS hepatitis whatever else it is that's the only thing that that I've had worse, scurrier, yeah, so like being assaulted and stuff it's like done and dusted, you have your adrenaline dump and you go.
Burso:But like death messages, suicides, those two really stick with you. Yeah, suicides has really been a big thing. Where I'm trying to work out is this a suicide, is it an accident, is it whatever? And you have to read old mate's letter, you have to try and work it out that way and then you're like, yeah, it's, it's a suicide but, and it really should be handed off to someone who's trained in in that area.
Alex Prestney:You guys are trained for a different thing.
Burso:What do they? They do like a day. We do a day where you talk about death messages.
Pete O'Hanlon:Oh yeah, yeah, I remember that yeah yeah, and it's just kind of just like oh my god, all right. Next next topic um, yeah, it'd be interesting to see if there is a you know how a lot of these sort of services work when it comes to implementing changes all on based on statistics. If this is a difficult part of the job for people mentally, then do you change it, or?
Alex Prestney:Well, you know, being an ex-service member, you know there's a lot of PTSD, anxiety, that sort of stuff in the military. So I'm assuming the cops is just as much, or even higher, oh yeah.
Pete O'Hanlon:To be involved in that sort of thing. It's not just you know. For some it may be different to be able to deliver that message and just completely wash off. But for some, who it might be their first, second or it might be the worst, they might have gone to dozens and this is the one that actually sticks with them. Ptsd is well. That's what can contribute to it.
Alex Prestney:It's not just you know other things that we've gone to in the job.
Burso:It can be the accumulation of years of this. At Geelong we had and they probably have it at other units, but we had, like the police and clinician, emergency response. That would probably be your best unit to do it, but it's not a thing that is prioritised everywhere. If you can't put a DVVN on the road, you're not going to do that, that's it. But also they're tied up a lot of the time because you only get one clinician and they might be talking to someone else who's having some sort of crisis. But the police is really a catch-all for pretty much anything If you've got a noise complaint, there's a dispute between neighbours, there's so many events that you go to as a cop that aren't police. They're not really police jobs, but who else are you going to ring? So it's just like if, in doubt, a cop goes, I'd love to start sending fireys to neighbourhood displays.
Pete O'Hanlon:That's the common trend. A lot of people get so surprised of what you know. Vicpol is the control agency for and things like that. Yeah, it's just like, and just for, not for any critical incidents and things like that, for anything. Yeah, who's the control agent for that Department of Fisheries? No, it's VicPol.
Alex Prestney:I mean you guys should be getting paid a shitload. I mean these bloody politicians are getting all the money and you guys are doing the hard yards.
Burso:It's a tough gig as a politician. I'm about to go off, Chris, so how long was the boss and your mate turned up? For how long did the message go? For Not long. I get it, guys. Thanks.
Pete O'Hanlon:I don't think very long. But then what? The first thing I was to do then after was got to go to mum and dad. That was the priority. And then we just literally packed a bag that was I don't know a couple of nights worth of clothes or whatever, crammed them into the back of the BMW and he just took us to. We were in Bentley at the time and he just drove us to.
Burso:Templestowe Cheeky, unnecessary flex, just chucked it in the back of the Beamer. Wow, okay, mate, bear car, bear car.
Pete O'Hanlon:Time and a place for flexing, geez. But yeah, no, just this sort of the word surreal gets thrown around so many times, but just this sort sort of the experience of all of that was just not on my bingo card, not on anyone's sort of like. I was supposed to just keep working, just doing what I was doing as a first Connie, and just to go to work the next day. I remember when we were actually driving up to mum and dad's, the thing that I could say was what do I do about work? Yeah, and that was just like probably a dumb question in the scheme of things you would have had like compassionate leave or something.
Pete O'Hanlon:Oh, I mean, it was just like a non-thing that I didn't even have to. I remember him saying you just said don't worry about that. Yeah, and I was just like okay, because it was just this sort of ticking over what the hell was going on next. But then when we got to mum and dad's just everyone was there, all family and family, friends and God.
Burso:So did you tell them they knew On the phone? Okay, so they'd already had their own message.
Pete O'Hanlon:While I had mine, they had theirs as well. So they did it at the same time, I think. So. I don't know whether it was planned or coordinated that way. I'd say it would have been At the same time.
Burso:Yep, Give them some credit. Yeah Well, because if you'd done one, you know the other one would have told them straight away that's it. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I might have gone to you first as a person in the job who understood it, but then you don't know how you're going to react anyway, Just because you're in the job doesn't mean you're a stone-faced killer, not like Pete over here. Yeah, so you've gone over to your parents' place, and then, obviously, it was just a shisho Just an absolute.
Pete O'Hanlon:That's why yeah, another thing, that I say that I can remember it so vividly. But these little pockets of memory I just cannot believe. I've got little things here and there that I can remember. I can remember, I can remember how dad looked and the best way we describe it Me and mum we just say he was grey. You know, there's people who Look green.
Pete O'Hanlon:When they're sick they look blue, but he was. You saw the blood obviously run out of his. Yeah, seeing someone who is grey Is a. It's a horrible look and it's just what. I don't know whether I looked like it or whatever or you probably look like shit as well.
Burso:Yeah, that's it probably looked.
Pete O'Hanlon:I probably looked horrible, but from my observations of it, I was like this, you know, and what now? I remember going to bed that night and just don't remember falling asleep. I don't know if I did or anything like that. I remember waking up a few times at night and just sort of being and there was just no thoughts in my head. It was just being awake and trying to believe or feel that it's real. You know, josh was living at home at the time, at mum and dad's, and you know everything was just there. Everything was just there for the day. He'd gone to work and left his laptop open with his guitar. Yeah, just the emptiness. Like really really hit there where it was just like looking around, going what on earth is just he belongs in there, and a lot of it was trying to believe that this was real.
Burso:And almost five years later, I still don't. Was there any conversations with the parents where they're just like you're to quit? We're not having you do this anymore. We've lost one. We can't do it again.
Pete O'Hanlon:No, actually no, because it's what I wanted to do in the first place. You know, this wasn't sort of any sort of going on like no, this is too dangerous sort of you know, any sort of going on like no, this is too dangerous sort of thing. It was just like a we knew how freak it was, and not even a one in a million because it happened, but at the same time, you know the amount of intercepts and stuff that have been done with policing and it hasn't happened before like the odds would probably be up there, absolutely.
Pete O'Hanlon:But at the same time it was just you know nothing there, just didn't have that thought that just did you have your partner back then?
Alex Prestney:yeah, and was her thought different?
Pete O'Hanlon:I'm not sure. Um, probably, and you know, like any partner or parent, there's always that worry of when you're. You know a person that you know is doing that every day, but you don't think about it. I remember we didn't think about it. We don't. I don't know if they don't think about it.
Pete O'Hanlon:No, that's right yeah, but they said we didn't go and think and worry about you walking out the door and not coming home. And the funny thing is is that you only think that now, when it happens, when it happens and that's unfortunate for all of us where it's just like well, because we have that experience.
Alex Prestney:But is that just us deconditioned? Is that part?
Burso:of. It's different to when it's your life and you control the risk. It's different Like if your mate was going over to afghanistan or whatever you'd be because you're not there and helping him out. You'd be like, what am I doing? Yeah, it's like anytime I'm not working the van. And then I see the van go past I'm like, oh, they're gonna be all right. Yeah, who's gonna back them up or whatever it's. It's the when you're not there. That probably the anxiety. When you're part of it, even when it's like a job and it's loose and you're jumping fences and there's dogs and all sorts of stuff, you're like, well, I'm in charge of what happens here. That's right, I'm allowed to do my risk management. But as a person who's sitting there waiting for someone to come home, when you know all well and you have that with a lot of kids, they were saying where their parents go away and then they see stuff on the news especially when the news is everything's the worst, everything that had eaten him in a partner.
Alex Prestney:but yeah, when I was overseas, it was always about my training. I never thought of anything like that. It was always about my training's. Good enough, I feel good enough, yep, and you can control the situation.
Pete O'Hanlon:Yeah, you can control it and you know that you're looked after in the way that this doesn't happen day to day, and you know that and we all knew that, because it wasn't like it was his very first shift.
Pete O'Hanlon:Ever as well, you know he'd been in the job for months beforehand. And actually we're lucky as a police force and a country when we can go to work when you know, sometimes it is unpredictable, sometimes you just don't know, but we are still lucky to know that it is safer than most. I'm not going to say that it's an absolutely safe job. It is happening more often. It is, yeah, with, you know, I guess, dangers that present themselves, but at the same time, we try our best to control it as much as we can and that's why that's what gives other people confidence and hope to know that, okay, yeah, you're going to be looked after. Luckily, thank god for that, because people who don't know what a police force is like, all they know is things like social media, the media, other countries, and you go and you base it on that and you go.
Burso:Oh, my god, my God, this is a terrible job and the extremities as well, because you've got, on the one hand, you've got like the TikTok dancers, and then on the other side, you've got like just max shootings all the time, protests and whatever. Like there's no, like the vast majority of police shifts have nothing to do with either side of that.
Pete O'Hanlon:No, it's hard to make heads or tails with it as well. But on the you know, I guess, yeah, the topic of that, it's sort of just what's brought me into my own mortality, my own risk and safety, has been what's sort of been highlighted for me recently in terms of, and I've been doing things like going. When I go to work I'll be thinking to myself am I coming home today? And that was when the first thing, the first time that that came up, I was thinking, hmm right, what do I do? Now If I'm having this thought of and it's not because you know of what I'd experienced, it was from what Josh experienced I was thinking to myself it happened once. It can happen again. Other people might go, oh no, surely it was just you know how unique and rare it was, but I would be saying to myself no it's not that rare.
Burso:Every senior member I've worked with has their own quirks based off a job that they've had, so it's like they have. You get taught, obviously, at the academy a certain amount of things, but then when you go and you learn from new coppers like they've all had some weird job that turned up that they're like hey, I always check this side now because some random person popped out of a letterbox or you know, I got attacked by a monkey one time because I didn't look on the roof or whatever, and you're just like what, I never would have thought of that, and they didn't either, and they got ambushed by it. But now they're always checking that sort of thing. So, like, the more times that and that's where life experience comes into it the more years you do, the more things you're looking for before you come in because you've been caught out by stuff. Exactly, sorry, I thought you were going to say something, no, no. So anyway, on that super exciting, upbeat story, it's a story that.
Pete O'Hanlon:I like to tell, because it's the rawness of it, other members who might be listening to this and things like that, where they same for yourself as well, what information came across to you, what you were doing that day. It's interesting to me to find out what people were doing that day and I tell the story of what it was like for me that day, in case there were people who were wondering of what it was like for you know, for somebody else it might have been just like jesus, lucky that wasn't me, and I wish, and I and I you know if anyone people might want to say that it's if to be like. You know, I don't want to be insensitive, but I'd be like, no, geez, yeah, you lucky, I wish it wasn't anyone, but, yeah, that's fair enough to be thinking that. So it's, I do. I wouldn't say, you know, like telling the story, but it's an important story to tell because of, yeah, just what it was like for all of us that day is I think it would be interesting too that.
Burso:I mean, I doubt that the, the van and highway would know that tactical units are actually listening. Yeah, um, like just the way it was coming across like we were, we were gearing up, like it was on, people were hunting coppers that day, um, and I just wonder if any of the other boys would know that we were actually doing as much as I think we're not turning up to anything. Oh, oh, yeah, that's it.
Pete O'Hanlon:But maybe, yeah, a lot of what other people were doing. I absolutely have no doubt in my mind that when it came across, there were people from all across the state tuning in to 0401 and actually going what's going on and wanting to hear what's happening in the news spreading like it was, because usually nothing happens at 0401. Now, the biggest police incident in history. Yeah, well done.
Alex Prestney:Has there been a knee-jerk reaction to procedures when it comes to traffic stops and things like that?
Pete O'Hanlon:Not yet. I'm hoping that there is scope for change, though, in terms of that, and that's something that I want to eventually spearhead and be part of, and not for our own agenda or for, you know, to be like okay, good, we fixed that, so it doesn't happen again. Overall, it's for safety, and if there's a way you can do it through research and, I guess, giving the best reason why then you go for it.
Burso:So from there, obviously you weren't having a great time. How did it come up that you were like I'm going to run to Mildura, Like how long afterwards.
Pete O'Hanlon:When did I think of it? I thought of it in December 2022, I think towards the end of that year. How long after was that? So that's two and a bit years, two years, ten months, two years, nine months and like that.
Pete O'Hanlon:Afterwards I was thinking, yeah, like what I was saying, I was like I want to do something, I want to have do something that's going to be beneficial for everyone. In this case, not just like a everybody has have their pilgrimages and their journeys as to why, but for this, it was like the reason that I want to do this is to because road safety, unfortunately, is not going to be a topic that we're ever going to be able to shelve and I felt that I had something to offer with it, with not just sort of jumping on road safety and jumping on this. I've always been passionate about it when it comes to, you know, before I got my license, motorsport and just the actual, the whole context of driving and being on the road and being a road user was something that I felt after this incident needed to be enhanced, and I was sort of just thinking, well, yeah, what can I do? Who can I do this for and how can I make a difference, even if it's just minuscule or on a huge scale. I didn't care of what sort of traction or what it did, as long as I felt that I knew that I did something that was going to help, just that was just going to help in some way, because I felt like I just, you know, I needed purpose with this.
Pete O'Hanlon:A lot of things with, with work itself was, was difficult to sort of be like. Am I, what am I going to do with this? Now? What's you know, what sort of person do I want to be in this space? And I wanted to be someone who made a difference for him with, not only in josh's memory, but for other people, the people who don't listen or the people who don't agree.
Pete O'Hanlon:That's fine. I can't change their mind. I can't change anything. I don't want to, didn't want to be one of these people who went on this, you know, trying to change the world because you can't. And I had, you know, gone through that realization. But I'd always known that too, but it was always just going to it that you cannot force people to do this if they don't want to. This is for the people that will listen and who will hear you and who will come along with you as well. I'm not going to try and drag people who I don't know to stop hooning, stop speeding, stop being a bad road user or making poor decisions. This was to throw it out there to people who wanted to come along with it.
Alex Prestney:Did you feel treated differently because of what happened to Josh in the job? Yeah, yep, can you go into that a little bit?
Pete O'Hanlon:I felt yeah, it's hard to describe how I felt, but yeah, it was obviously with a lot of sympathy, but at the same time, yeah, there was also judgment.
Pete O'Hanlon:Like you shouldn't go on that job, or you know it's kind of Hearing from people that you know outside of. You know whether it was the public or whatever. When it came to, I guess, me being introduced to this whole thing as well, you know there was. You know basically the story that was made of it was, you know it was Josh and his brother, me, is also in the job, and then a bit of commentary you know came about from that of you know whether I should be in the job or not. What saving private.
Burso:Ryan Stiles as in, like because they've lost one, you should be, yeah you're tired or something, yep, or, like you know, this is going.
Pete O'Hanlon:You know, people, people and people, just sort of throwing in their two cents as well, which was fine, um, but also that's literally why I asked you about the parents. And yeah, this is where they thought that yeah, but but also when it came to I, I don't know after, after the fact where I, where I found positivity in a lot of things, judgment came there, and that happens, unfortunately, with a lot of people, especially with what you want to do.
Burso:One thing I found interesting with coppers is they've all got a very personal reason why they joined. And Highway Patrol has been a real eye-opener for me because there's a lot of different Highway Patrol officers. Obviously someone got picked on in high school, but there's other ones. That You're right, Pete, but you know, but there's, but then there's the other ones.
Pete O'Hanlon:When are we going to tee off on cert members?
Burso:I don't care, man, I'm not in here anymore, but gym time is good. But then there's the other ones that I found that like their parents got run over by a drunk driver, or like a mate of mine he was a loose unit in the army and died early. And we all were like that makes sense, Story checks out. We're like how did he die? Like we thought he'd bought 14 kilos of Coke in Mexico or something. That's where we thought he'd been going, or he'd been killed by some drag queen in.
Alex Prestney:Brazil or something.
Burso:But he was walking down a street in America and some drunk driver went up over the curb and ran over it and we were like of all the stuff old mate was doing that's how he went out.
Burso:And I remember at basketball when I was younger, like we had this coach who was super anti anybody drinking pretty much at all and that was because his parents got run over. Yeah, I mean, he went from being 15 year old to coming home and he had no parents. Yeah, just because a drunk driver ran over him. They were walking, just going for a walk together. Yep, they were walking, just going for a walk together and then died, got run over, put to a fence and into the front of someone's house.
Pete O'Hanlon:And, yeah, you will come across those sorts of stories where it's just a but I never wanted to have, I guess, a hard-nosed attitude about this sort of thing. Obviously there are things where you have, you know, your reservations following and that's just human nature. You can't change that, you can't. It's too hard to shake, especially when it comes to how something or why someone was taken from you in the circumstances. It's so hard.
Pete O'Hanlon:But at the same time, you learn how to, I guess, treat it with respect and like whether it be people who, for example, with what you said about you, know how somebody died when it came to drink, driving and then going all right, I'm never drinking again. Or I don't like people who drink. I don't like people who make a decision where they have one and then they drive home, sort of thing. I learned to understand and respect that everyone's different and will go about these things differently. But at the same time, you need to understand the consequences of your risks and who's to say that if you take one, you go, you swing the other way with it. Where I might make an example of I'm never driving on a freeway again or I'm never going anywhere, I'm only running them.
Burso:Yeah, that's right, so much safer, I'm only running them. Yeah, that's right, so much safer, I'm only going to run them yeah.
Pete O'Hanlon:I'm never doing this again because of what I did here. People do do that though, yeah, but then I was sort of thinking what if something else happens with my alternate thinking? That's just a bit philosophical the way I think of it.
Burso:I've had people before like I've seen, in the cops you meet a lot of people that have been through some stuff, but there's people that were like, oh, I'm never catching a train again because I saw this on the news. And then they're like I'm never leaving this and that whatever. And then they turn into hoarders and then the house catches fire and they die at home. Yeah, exactly, and you're like consequences and you can't.
Pete O'Hanlon:We realized that we didn't want to absolutely try and change this or to try and do something that was going to be. We had to face the reality, to have to make sure that we stuck to who we were and and what we did, and we realized that this or doing anything else for this isn't going to help us. It could only make make us bitter, it could only make us a bit too hypervigilant in the way that things could get a little bit difficult for us down the track. So what we did instead was to make sure that we've gone with this run, find a way to do something empowering not for you, and it was also the fact that I felt that for myself, I needed to do something, and it was also the fact that I felt that for myself, I needed to do something. I had, and still do have everything about me ripped from me, and this was a tiny little piece that I was just putting back together. This was a little section of the million-piece puzzle that I was able to complete.
Burso:Yeah, the run is a risk though. That much time basically in your head running and then being fatigued and that sort of stuff Like it's, either you'll run it out and go through it.
Pete O'Hanlon:This might surprise you, but this was the most empowering thing and one of the best things we've done, since this was just that's what I was saying beforehand.
Burso:It's like you're going into it, going oh, this will this will be good, but it's like every step could be getting worse for you, or every step could be empowering you.
Pete O'Hanlon:We didn't care, which was great yeah, we would say me and dad would say we know, we'd. You know, dad did a lot of the run with me saying it's same with mom, same with rachel, my wife. We just did it together. We just we knew that one step in that direction was closer to the finish line. It wasn't that way and we'd be going might be an absolutely horrendous shooting pain in my quad and I was limping at times and I'd be going this doesn't hurt because we've done hurt before, we've done hard before. We'd be saying to each other no, it doesn't matter, push each other as we can. If you have to stop and walk, you stop and walk because we've done, we've done hard before. It doesn't hurt. That's what. That's the mentality that we went through on it. It was just like it doesn't matter how how much this hurts, we have the, we have a goal ahead of us I think it's a lot of times with, like you know, ptsd, anxiety, like breakups, grieving, all these feelings that you have.
Burso:There's pretty much nothing you can really do to combat it. There's no way. Whereas physical pain you can, mentally you're like I can push through and do that, but you can't physically push through. Missing your brother, no. So it's an interesting thing where, if you can replace one with another, sometimes it helps you. Once you've reached that, it's like you can put it to bed, or at least try and put that emotion to bed. You know, like some people get tattoos, they're like, you know, it's not about the tattoo, it's about the pain going through the tattoo and then, once it's finished, he says he's got a stereotyped forearm tattoo.
Pete O'Hanlon:But everything here, this is all.
Burso:Josh Is that Donkey Kong Yep, is that a controller?
Pete O'Hanlon:Yep. So you know, we wanted to do a bit of a side note. We wanted to do something that was, you know, significant for and Dad's got an identical one as well. Oh, really Not of this design. He's got an identical one of similar. He really Not of this design. He's got an identical one of similar. He's got Josh's guitar tattooed on him.
Burso:Yeah, he's got a how old was your old man? Was he your first tattoo?
Pete O'Hanlon:No he's got a couple, nothing massive, but he's got a couple. He's got one in the army and things like that. But yeah, this was just like nothing that was horrendously emotional or anything like that, but for me it was like his favorite character when we played Mario Kart was Donkey Kong, and there's Evil Homer up there and there's the Magpie being a family of Collingwood supporters. Oh dear me, 40 seasons.
Burso:You've got to oil your teeth Makes no sense.
Pete O'Hanlon:You've got to come up with something different. Seriously, you've got to come up with something different. Seriously, you've got to come up with something different to the Collingwood supporters having no teeth. Even I'll be on board with it.
Burso:Do you want to go with the man in the gold outfit? Oh, no. Okay, oh yeah, jeez.
Pete O'Hanlon:I'm hoping that kind of works. But yeah, and he's got artwork from a band called Mastodon, which is a metal band that Josh loved. He had, you know, posters and paintings of their artwork and this was our thing, but it wasn't anything like you know, it was just our stamp, in a way, and it's with us forever.
Burso:What's the one above it about?
Pete O'Hanlon:These were just a couple that I got when I was younger.
Burso:I didn't want to say, just on the off chance, that this was something else, but I was just like that's a drunken night out.
Pete O'Hanlon:I was just being. You know, I like that design. That's pretty cool. We've all got them mate as well.
Burso:Where's your Southern Cross tattoo?
Alex Prestney:It's got to be on your back half. Oh, you got one, yeah.
Pete O'Hanlon:Oh, you got one. Yeah, it was very good you had a Made in Australia one. Yeah, nothing more patriotic than the Southern Cross.
Burso:I got a Made in Australia on the hotel. Wow, good times, good times. How much longer have we got you for what do you need? We might have a time out now. Have a little break.
Alex Prestney:Yeah, sure you happy, yep.
Burso:Yeah.
Alex Prestney:Just do it, yep, don't let your dreams be dreams. Yesterday.
